crappy

I'm not enjoying the holiday season. Too much traffic, too many palaboy in the streets, and too many annoying people asking for gifts.
Yesterday, I was at CD-R King. Looking for a mumurahing mp3 player to give to my cousin. While waiting, there was this guy who was being attended by the saleslady person. He had this mp4 in his hand and was asking about headphones. He pointed at this headphone, it was big, it had two plugs. The lady said that pangit tingnan kung ganun gagamitin niya, para siyang yung tulad sa mga camera crew sa Wowowee. It was clear he wanted those with big earmuffs. And being in a Computer shop, it was so hard not to make pansin what he was asking. Bakit raw dalawa yung plug, ano raw kaibahan nun sa ibang headphone. The guy really ticked me off.
Grabe, he had no common sense or whatever to understand that he was in a COMPUTER SHOP and obviously it had two plugs because it was for a computer or anything that needs a microphone. I mean, ok lang sana if he doesn't have any clue about computers that he'd be asking about it, pero to think na he has an mp4 in his hand. Surely, with that kind of technology in his hand, he should know already what's the difference between an mp4/mp3 headset and a computer headphone. He had this stupid annoying face too, this makes dagdag to my headache.

Oh, I've finished the 9 mormings. Happy happy happy, joy joy joy.

Some says Christmas is for the kids only, some even said that it's only a state of mind.
I might agree with both but for me, Christmas is a time for reflection. It is now, that we have that super duper free time to think things over. What we should be thankful for and make amends to whomever we had hurt. Not getting what you want this Christmas doesn't mean nobody loves you, remember that you are blessed with so much that God wants you to stop what you're doing for a while and find the means to be thankful and mindful enough of what you have.

Happy Holidays!

film industry

They say we should support our film industry. Well I would, IF and only IF they'd stop dubbing every single local movie. I hate watching and hearing actors deliver lines na di naman nagtutugma sa mga galaw nila. I hate how romantic films are now so over-rated. I hate how the directors keep saying that they've given this and that kind of effect on each scenes where in fact the finished product looks like crap. I hate how they keep saying they hired the best make-up team when the actors in the movie look like fuckin barbie dolls. And the guys, parang kakakain lang ng lechon. Nasobrahan yung lip gloss. I hate how they keep on coming up with talent searches, make every single aspiring filipinos line up only to realize they're not fit for that search since may mga reserved people na pala sa slots na yun. I hate how every management keeps on making pasikat some of the new actors/actresses who has NO talent or whatsoever. All they do is make faces just so they could look "cute" on the idiot box. I hate how REALITY shows are super duper sooo Over-Rated. I'm not even fuckin sure that TV Patrol isn't part of those programs with strings attached. I hate how we keep copying foreign segments and put in some "twists" kuno in the show when we all know it's just fuckin the same! Crap!

And they say keep the Film Industry alive. That's so fuckin full of crap! They can't even produce a decent movie. Oh, those telenovelas are even worse! Why not just replace those shows with animated shows, para naman di na nakakasakit sa mata yung mga aktor na paulit-ulit na lang lumalabas sa mga soap operas na yan.

The only good thing about the entertainment industry is music. And those artists/bands who has been given the chance to show their stuff. How I wish actors/actresses wouldn't try so goddamn hard to fit in in this industry, hell they might sink the ship by just stepping on it. They should know where they belong, for the good of the whole human race.

been there

During my feeling bagets days, you can see me at bars or any hotspot compounds. With people I barely know but got used to hang around with. I got gipit at those times, I sought out ways to earn money and made excuses so I could go out. Unfortunately I didn't really enjoy dancing at clubs or of some sorts. The drinks weren't all that great. I was in a crowded place that made me feel so empty. And so I've moved on, I referred to those days as a bata phase.
I could say I've matured enough. I've made sure that I did things that could actually benefit me, or even produce something outof it that would make me feel a whole lot better.
Hanging with smarter people does boost up your mind too. With all the witty puns being thrown at each other who wouldn't enjoy that moment.
Lately, as I attend these morning masses, I had this feeling of enlightenment. It was as if I was home.
Never in my life had I felt something like that.
It's overwhelming.

Oh, yeah, I am of someone's alter-ego.
At last, I have found a sanctuary for my other self. I am contented and happy with the way things are.
It's things like this that makes life seem more complicated for others, but as for me, not really. I've handled too much emotional shits that I have come to take control of things.

I am of someone's alter ego.

simbang gabi

For the first time ever in history, I am about to complete the 9 mornings. Well, actually I didn't get to attend the morning or even the evening mass for like, two days now, so I'll be going to mass twice a day for two days to make bawi for the two days that has passed by.
Kanina, at around 4:00 am, I went to the Carmelite Church. From where I live, it's pretty far unlike the Redemptorist Church. So, why in the world would I attend the mass there?
I've been crushing over this friend of mine. I asked her last night if she wanted to go with me to attend an early morning mass. She said sabay na lang raw ako sa kanila ng family nya, and I made some lame excuse why I would also be joining them.

->> "Tamang tama, pupuntahan ko rin yung kaibigan ko na malapit lang din dun nakatira."

Di naman niya napuna yung sinabi ko.
So there, being all excited I rushed to getting myself ready and luckily got there on time, even though halos wala na akong makitang jeep na dumadaan sa sobrang aga.

I got to share a few laughs with her mom. I like her mom, she easily gets my puns. But I like her more, hehe.
After the mass, since malapit lang naman bahay nila, I accompanied them in walking towards the kanto. Made up another excuse na dun na lang rin ako sasakay banda. I just wanted to talk to her more. She said she didn't want to look at me because of some weird reason na natatawa raw siya. I guess there's this dirt on my face that won't even try to come off. Damn.

On my way home, I had to walk since all jeepneys were full of passengers who just came to church.

Long walk for me. I don't really mind as long as I have in fact enjoyed this day. Don't get me wrong though, I went to church for God, she, on the other hand, is my second reason.

And for the days to come, I will be attending morning masses with her and her family.

REALITY CHECK.
I have a girlfriend.

I'm ashamed to admit that my feelings are not that strong for her. And I can't just break up with her since she's one of those lunatic people who keeps threatning their partners on killing theirselves if ever they got dumped.
Oh how stupid of me to not see that I have chosen the wrong girl.

This new girl I just talked about, Chessa. She just made my heart skip a lot of beats ever since I laid my eyes on her. How I wish she knew.

emo punk NOT

There are so many emo punk wannabes today. I see them left and right with their weird get-ups to their make-up that doesn't seem to match with their clothes. I hate how they stare at you like YOU're the alien. How I wish I could give them a piece of their mind, make them sure that their very presence are mere filth in MY world.
I hate how they put on too much mascara, and their whole persona doesn't quite fit right in. Imagine seeing a guy with black as motiff of his get-up and make-up but then you see him jumping around, singing Simple Plan songs. Once I had this friend who I thought WAS cool. She knew everything about what to do to prepare beer drinks/mixes. When she started studying, she had new friends. She invited me one time to at her friend's house. They were drinking and smoking at 12 noon. Of course, knowing I had an exam that day I couldn't take one sip. No. Her friends were all in chucks, weird necktie, mismatched clothes. There was this other guy who had glasses like those of Fonzy and hair or Bruce Lee. The other guy was dressed to be a priest, (or so). Then few lovely girls. In my head, there was this word COOL, ASTIG, and HANEP running through. Not until, I heard the band I dreaded the most, SIMPLE PLAN, and the singer everyone's been trying to be which I also hate, Avril Lavigne. I wanted to laugh out so fuckin loud, but then in respect for my friend's choice of music, I simply sat at one corner looking at them, refusing profusely their tagay offers. From that moment on, I laugh at the face of weirdness and freakisness. They are not at all that suicidal nor solitary. They are merely people who want to fit in, where they want to be known as misunderstood, troubled and confused. Those happy, funliving characteristics are foreshadowed with the dark and mysterious exterior. You can see them, mostly teens all in groups, almost dressing alike. Beneath those heavy make-up and i-don't-want-to-talk-about-clothes, is a soul who's shouting out "HEY! LOOK AT ME, I'M BEING WEIRD, LOVE ME, UNDERSTAND ME!"
They don't need Professional help. They only need attention and guidance.

Still, I hate emo punk wannabes.
As well as those who THINK they can skate. They talk about it so much but when you get them to do a trick, Hell, even my dog can do better. They don't even know how a fuckin Ollie's supposed to be done.

These are all summed up in a six-letter word. POSERS!
And I hate every fuckin one of them.

of sympathy and pain

I lied to my girlfriend when I told her about being sick and all. Without consenting any permission to go out, I did went out. Hanged out with friends. The good thing about her, she never gets mad. How I wish ganyan lahat ng babae. Not the type na nagseselos and everything. No matter how hard I tried to make her jealous wala pa rin. Tsk. I'm still thankful she's always there though ako ang nauunang mangasar sa kanya. I make bawi naman whenever I do cross the line nah.

Fights are normal right? And after the said fight, ang ganda the feeling to just make-up and cuddle about it.

Jealousy, this leads to paranoia, selfishness and never-ending fights. Do you want to know why at some point where everything is just so sweet, your partner would suddenly mention someone of the opposite sex?
He/she's just checking on how you would react, and if you DO care that much to react.
And it's not embarassing for me to admit that I am the type who gets all jealous most of the time, but it does have advantages you know. All those who oppose this statement just place it in the comment box.

All this talk reminds me of my x (12th) who I promised to wait for before. I did everything for her and as the light had shed it's rays on me, it made me realize that she hasn't done a single thing for me. Not one, just to get things back to the way it was. I know I have my own faults with the relationship we had but still, I am entitled to know what's keeping her from doing anything special. My mind is very inquisitive and if doesn't find answers it tends to conclude. I'm clueless.

Whom do I love most?
My x or the present?
Sad to say but I'm still stuck on my past. My present is just someone to fill in this emptiness I've been feeling for the past 7 months after breaking up with my x.
Funny how my x reacts on the testimonials my present has been giving me on my Friendster. Tsk. And I keep on thinking what should I rather do. I haven't totally trusted my present, after my previous commitment, I now have trust issues. I guess things will work out just fine after a very long while.

I've to sort things out. Until then, I am happy and contented with the way things are going.

splat

I noticed something with the salon (parlor) I passed by a while ago. It had tons of Avril Lavigne posters. A funny thought came into my mind. Baka yung specialty nila is to make customers look like Avril Lavigne. Of course not exactly looking like her, heavens no. The hairstyle lang. Add up some wrist accessories, an out-of-this-wolrd necktie, chucks and a few dark eyeliners and voila, you have a factory na of Avril Lavigne look-alikes. Minus the face and the voice.
I don't like Avril. I think she's so OA.
Enough about talking about this emo-punk wannabe.

What's up with people making a point na malalaman ng lahat na there's something wrong sa kanila?
Here in the Blogosphere, you'll notice different kinds of people.
Those who think they're weird, think they're cool, think they're that lovable, those who lie about who they really are trying to express their thoughts but is hiding under a fictitious information about themselves and those who think they're the philosopher everyone wants to be a friend of.
Where do I fit in? Second to the last part.
I am no saint. Nor am I claiming to be someone mentally and emotionally disturbed, I just find things na kapuna-puna which gives me a whole new insight about other things.
I am at one with my duality.
People who claim to be insane, freaks, weirdos or nuts are all papansin. They want to make a statement about theirselves but in their posts it doesn't show. Most blogs doesn't even have any content, therefore I demand to have those blogs pulled out, burned and forever forgotten from the Blogworld. What do you get from those anyway? Andaming mga pauso, which are so last season.
They want to be known to be someone of any particular disorder, which of course for their own pleasure of being noticed out of the hundreds of thousands of bloggers here.
I find them annoying.
I applaud those bloggers who, even at their uttermost heartbreaking moment, still can produce posts which are insightful and ever enlightening. I loathe those wannabes, posers and of lower class form (in the manner of thinking).

end

crypt creatures

I hate it when girls make the first move. It disgusts me. I can't blame my friend for getting his affection diverted to someone of the lowest form. I know why he even chose her instead of the other who is much more fun, smart and totally pretty. It's because that CRYPT is so easy to get. I mean, my friend didn't have to make any effort to court her or anything, the CRYPT had already sorta made that for him.

I know this sounds gay. I'm like bitching over whom my friend ended up with. I just can't help it. I never really liked that CRYPT in the first place. Just the sight of her makes my blood boil. The she speaks is also very very and i mean, very ANNOYING!

The more you hate the more you love? Crap. If you could only see her, tsk, you'll know she hasn't summed up not even 1/10 or even near that fraction of my standards with girls. Rating her, 0 out of 10 (as 10 being the highest of course).

I'll stop talking like crazy about her now.

Next.

I am very much irritated and yet again disgusted with the people I see at the cafes. You know, the people who are just there to chat or talk to foreigners. Thinking they'll hook in some big fishes. And the yuckiest part are those women who does such degrading things. I'm cursing YM for having upgraded with that voice thing. Now, I can see AND hear their conversations. What else could be worse?
And it's not that I'm peeking over the next table or what but I can't but to look at my "seatmate" shake, kinikilig siguro. This is one HUGE mistake na ginawa ng Yahoo! I am forever haunted by the thoughts of my katabi having kilig moments with her ka-chat.

Next..

I went with my mom to the mall kanina. Being a good anak has given me tons of headaches. My mom were sorting out panties and other underwear I just can't believe women wear nowadays. The salesladies are really annoying, tailing you like some kind of hound. Couldn't they just stand in one corner and just wait for the customers to call for them? Parang everytime they see a customer they think na may gagawing masama yung tao that's why they make buntot to them. Buti pa at the grocery, no lady in uniform would follow you as you pili the things na bibilhin mo. At ang pinaka ayaw ko sa lahat eh those salesladies who makes faces na you-can't-afford-to-buy-that-why-are-you-touching-that look. Makes me so gigil I want to reklamo to the management about it. Problema lang eh, I'd be dealing with every single store here in Davao. And that would be total hassle. Sayang lang time ko, buti na lang I'm still thinking of them having jobs, or else they wouldn't be working anywhere na.

Next...

Behind every bitch is a man who made her that way.
I've read this from my friend's messages. I really am pakialamero with other people's phones. It doesn't bother them anyway since they know how boring y phone is. (To the max!)
To answer that phrase, these girls shouldn't let themselves be affected with players. Ang hirap kasi sa mga babae eh madaling naniniwala, hence, madali rin silang nauuuto ng mga syota nila. These bitches doesn't have any clue that sila pa rin ang lugi if they end up being so-called players too. Women has so much estrogen that even the dogs know they won't be "players" for so long.

Know that, only a female dog is a bitch and the good thing about them is that you won't hear them complaining. (They'll only bite you)

angsxiety

I would like to welcome you first to my blog. Everything's not in order since I'm not in the mood to fix my blog as of the moment.
In this life, nothing is for free. You have to exert extra effort to get what you want. "The best things are free" is plain full of crap.
Those so-called friends of yours will only be there only when they need/want something for you. Nobody is really that "honest" nowadays. Life is really full of crap but I have to live it, I've always thought about ending my life right here and now. But then, I think about my mom. Even though how much she scolds me, I still think about her and what I'm going to do with the money I'll be earning someday soon for her. And as I think about even doing it, I'd be letting everyone down and even myself for having totally given up on this rat-race.
My brother is a total mess. He only thinks about himself. Getting new things, being "in" and his stupid girlfriend. I really don't like his girlfriend. Whenever I think or even see her, the song "gold digger" suddenly pops in my mind.

I'm in a mess. I'm not perfect, and I'm not trying to be one. I just want to live my life the wat I should be living it.
I am strong on the outside. I live by a certain rule of not showing weakness in public. I cannot afford to lose myself, my reputation... my stature.