Out of tune

I'm a narc.
I'm sure most of you out there are too.

As of the moment, I'm in a drinking spree with some of my buddies.
A bit dizzybut I can still manage.

I must admit I need proper guidance and all that crap so I can make my life a bit better.
I need help. Professional maybe.

About that narc thing, well I don't like having a beer gut. A big no-no for me. I only drink on ocassions so as to avoid having all those gross effects of alcohol. Right now I tell you, if you slap me, I won't budge. I've become numb. If only I was this numb for me not to feel anything from anyone. If only.
But then again, if I was this numb, I would've just let things pass. I would've just let you slap me a million times.

Unfortunately, I don't end up so fuckin drunk. I still have some little control over myself. I don't show people that I'm actually affected with the alcohol.
That's just likely of me. Pretentious. Like I said, I have this wall built up. And with the way I was raised, it's a no-brainer on why I ended up like this. I feel like shit, day by day, I try so hard to not let anybody see the vulnerable me. Day by day, I keep a strong face, a strong attitude, hiding what's been suffering for all this time.

I really can't just talk to anyone and expect that they'd understand me.
This feeling of helplessness is inevitable.