Blags

The hardest thing about being the comforter type of friend, is that you can't seem to share any of your problems to that person who's seeking comfort. You keep on thinking that if I tell her/him my problem, madadagdagan ko lang yung mga iniisip nya.
And so, I end up keeping things to myself. It's an overwhelming feeling to know and see that you've made an impact on those people who needs help. That's why you can't seem to be seen as someone who's weak and vulnerable just as what they've gone through and felt.
I can't be rendered weak.

Some people are really frustrating. Alam ko you've all met a few. Yung mga tipong nagpapatulong pero when you give them advice and what-nots eh binabalewala lang nila. Saying that it's wrong and insisting that they're right. That's what I hate about immaturity and pride. Makikitid ang utak.

Hayy. How sad.

I'm the lone wolf. Though I have a pack I often go along with, I'd rather hunt and travel the vast lands by myself.

Hey

I'm no saint.
As of the moment, I'm involved with two special people.

I can't say that I'm emotionally that into them, and somehow, I've stupidly made myself too attached to them.

in short, I have two girlfriends.
The other one's my ex and the other one's that girl I talked about here who threatened me about killing herself if I leave her.

I'm troubled, but not about them. I'm troubled with life.
I'm going under this damned teenage crisis.

Warning

Just because you are already with someone doesn't give you the right NOT to fall for someone else.
It's inevitable to have feelings for another while being in another commitment.
But be sure that whatever feelings you have for both persons, you're already aware which weighs more.
And don't stay in a relationship just because of sympathy or that you promised something to that person.
It'll hurt her/him more, if the only reason why you're with her/him is because of that promise and not of thatemotion she's/he's been expecting from you.
If you don't want to end up in this kind of situation, don't be in a romantic relationship just for the sake of having someone to call baby.

*end*

Out of tune

I'm a narc.
I'm sure most of you out there are too.

As of the moment, I'm in a drinking spree with some of my buddies.
A bit dizzybut I can still manage.

I must admit I need proper guidance and all that crap so I can make my life a bit better.
I need help. Professional maybe.

About that narc thing, well I don't like having a beer gut. A big no-no for me. I only drink on ocassions so as to avoid having all those gross effects of alcohol. Right now I tell you, if you slap me, I won't budge. I've become numb. If only I was this numb for me not to feel anything from anyone. If only.
But then again, if I was this numb, I would've just let things pass. I would've just let you slap me a million times.

Unfortunately, I don't end up so fuckin drunk. I still have some little control over myself. I don't show people that I'm actually affected with the alcohol.
That's just likely of me. Pretentious. Like I said, I have this wall built up. And with the way I was raised, it's a no-brainer on why I ended up like this. I feel like shit, day by day, I try so hard to not let anybody see the vulnerable me. Day by day, I keep a strong face, a strong attitude, hiding what's been suffering for all this time.

I really can't just talk to anyone and expect that they'd understand me.
This feeling of helplessness is inevitable.